Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
