Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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