shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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