I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you had me at cake vodka
This is the high leading the old right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
