I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you still have your period?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
