haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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