It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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