Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize