Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
