i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
