Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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