How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
