Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
