Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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