I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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