I want to walk on stilts...naked
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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