Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
