Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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