I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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