just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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