hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
