if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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