I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize