I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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