wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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