tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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