oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize