Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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