Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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