Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
