I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
