she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
