this beer tastes like vomit already
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
