Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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