You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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