the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
