: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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