God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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