my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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