I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
