she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the day after is always just damage control
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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