You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
