I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
