i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
