Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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