Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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