Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
