i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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