Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
