Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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