Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
