Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
