You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
