i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The ass gains better be worth it
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