I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
