Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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