Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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