Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
