i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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