so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
