woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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