for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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