seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
