The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
