it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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