i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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