I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He did a backflip because drugs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize