How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
