i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
