to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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