I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
