i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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